My Sports Story

So today, Damascus Road had a story slam. Simply put, it's like a poetry slam, but with people telling 5 minute stories, with the audience deciding the best story. Also, the DR band played some awesome music before and after. I didn't plan on telling a story because I didn't have a story I wanted to tell that fit with the theme ("By the skin of By The Skin Of Your Teeth: Stories Of Close Calls). When the theme was dropped last minute to get a few more people involved, I got roped in. I prepared this in a few minutes as just a rough draft (although, we couldn't have any notes or anything), but it went very well. People found it entertaining, so w/o further ado, here is my sports story:

I am not an athletic person. Shocking, I know, but this is not the body of a star athlete. I'm sorta slow and my hand eye coordination is...lacking. So of course I love sports and am super competitive.
I have tried and failed to play sports my whole life. My first endeavor was t-ball. Man, I could hit that stationary ball, but then I moved up to baseball. Moving balls are not as easy to hit. I was scared to swing. My dad paid me to swing. My one game ball was because the 10 year old pitcher walked me and scored the winning run.
After baseball, I tried basketball. I made 2 baskets between 2nd and 8th grade. My highlight was hitting a defender in the face w/ the ball trying to pass it.
But next, was football. The one thing athletic fat kids are good at is getting in the way, and football has a position where that's just what you're supposed to do, offensive lineman. Final I found my sport. The o line is a thankless job, but I did have one moment of fame. In a close game, almost to the endzone, our quarterback dropped back to pass, and gunned it over the middle, right into the refs face. Suddenly, the ball's in my arms, the ricochet came right to me. I didn't know what to do but push forward into the endzone. I had scored. The team went ballistic; I was victorious. Sadly, that is not a legal play. The qb cannot pass the ball off the refs face to his offensive lineman, no matter how awesome that is.

And as always, onwards.

Plan C

If you had asked me what I wanted to do with my life, I would have answered, maintain a consistent blog. Clearly I have failed at that, so I have since moved on to plan B, aerospace engineering where I would design awesome things that fly awesomely. At the beginning of the year, I was about 95% set on that, but I figured there was always a chance God could change my plan. Imagine that. Since last fall, that number had slid. God kept pushing me and showing me more of who I was. I've realized that engineering, although a great idea financially, may not fulfill me. This doubt has pushed my certainty to a really frustrating 50%... maybe.

What is taking up that other 50% (maybe)? Teaching. It's the only other thing I have ever considered doing, but I thought I was settled. It was a fun idea, but I'd settled on engineering. Only, that fun idea is becoming the doubt that I could be anywhere near as happy making things fly as imparting the knowledge of how that is even possible on others.

I understand more than ever that what I need to be happy is relationships, people. I love people. I don't care what is happening, but as long as friends are hanging out, I just want to be there. I'll do anything with my friends. I'll do anything for my friends. Same goes for my family. The only reason I ever even considered teaching was because of the phenomenal relationships I had with my teachers in high school. Two in particular I consider to be some of the most important people ever in my life and are integral to the person I am today. I know this need for relationships will be fulfilled by teaching, but I cannot be certain that engineering can do that as well.

So I guess that leaves me at plan C. I cannot change my major and graduate in four years, which I need to do for my scholarship, and I don't necessarily want to. Besides, I still don't even know which I'd rather do. Instead, my plan is to finish my Aerospace Engineering degree with a math minor. Assuming I get a job out of college, I'll work for two years, and by the end, I'll know what I want to do (hopefully). If I settle on engineering, I'll go back to school and get my masters. If I go with teaching, I'll do still that. If I teach, I want to teach high school physics and math, subjects I'll be well versed in from my undergrad. I'll go to a Concordia and do what it takes to become a teacher and get a master's degree. After that, I'd love to teach at my Lutheran HS, but I'll take any one that wants me. I like this plan. It leaves both options open, and I think having those years of engineering experience would be great for me if I decide to teach.

And what if God yet again steps in with something more to say? I guess that's plan D. Onwards.

Dear friends,

To all of you, old and new, I love you. I've lost one this summer, and I cannot bear the thought of losing another. I said my goodbyes, Kevin, but you are still with me. I missed my opportunity to tell you "I love you," and as the Mayor said, I will not miss that opportunity with the rest of my friends. You have taught me this, along with much, much more.

This summer has reminded me of something I forgot. Amongst my first year of college, and all the awesome new friends I made, I forgot something about my old friends. I forgot how special those relationships are, and, not to belittle those I share with my new friends, how irreplaceable and important they are. I have a bond with these people, and the bond I have with those from high school came at a cost. Multiple tragedies brought us this close, so as much as I value the new friendships I'm forming, I apologize, but I never want to pay that price again.

As I said, I had forgotten. I was so ready to move on to a new chapter and had allowed the past to grow out of focus, but I have been reminded how absolutely essential they all are to my very being. Instead, I move forward with both the old and the new. To Will, Megan, Rachel, Ryan, Adam, (not to forget my friends from church Quintin, Erik, and the rest, and my very best friend for life, Leon), and Kevin as he now truly lives in the presence and glory of God, I love you. To Ken, David, Kris, Josh, Andrea, Mitch, Heidi, Sarah Ann, and all the rest, I love you as well. Onwards.

Hurt

I still hurt. I always will. Kevin was too important for this to completely heal, but my pain is not the greatest hurt. It's my friends'. When I witness their sorrow, their pain, I hurt so much more. I can handle my own pain, but I feel helpless and unable to do anything or provide any comfort for my friends. I never really planned ahead, but they did. Without Kevin, those plans are forever altered or even lost. I have no more tears left, but they're still crying. I am left unable to offer more than a hug or a comforting word, but that is merely a band-aid for the gaping hole in their hearts. I know their pain, I feel it too, but I don't know how to heal it. Kevin is in heaven now, I have peace in that, but my friends still here in this world still know pain and hurt. As long as that is true for them, it is true for me, but when we are reunited with God and Kevin we will know pain and hurt no more. In the mean time, onwards.

Good bye

How do I say good bye? Better yet, how do I say thank you? You were not only a good person, but you were one of the best I've ever known. You were so talented, and you dedicated the use of those talents fully to God. You lead our school with humility, long before anyone would have asked it of you. Without you, our school couldn't even have run. Most importantly, you are my friend. You make me better; you make me want to be the best I can be.

I grieve you're lost potential. After what you accomplished in 18 years, I can only imagine what you could have done in 80. You were the one who would change the world. Instead, you leave it upon us, to use our talents the way you used yours. You impacted so many lives so deeply, myself among them, that maybe more may be accomplished because of the inspiration you are than what you alone may have done.

Yet, I still don't understand. Why are you gone? Why has someone so irreplaceable left us with such gaping holes in our hearts? I want to blame God, question God, because that would be easy, but I can't. I may never understand till you yourself can explain it to me one day.

You left your class and all those in attendance of your graduation with one word. I find more comfort in what you told us than anything else. Life moves along, and if we are to properly honor you, we must do likewise. We cannot dwell upon our loss, but must rejoice in what you left us. You inspire me with this word, and in your memory, I now leave this for all those who read this and future posts. As you say: onwards.

Why me?

Tonight I drove by the sight of my accident. The chunk of the bush I took out is growing back nicely, and apart from the one corner being shorter, there is no sign left of what happened there two years ago. I always think back and ask why me? Not why did it happen to be in the first place, but why did I survive it? It was my fault and my responsibility, yet now I count my accident among my blessings. Why me? I surely don't deserve it. I barely even had to pay the consequences of my actions. A couple hundred dollar ticket is surely a fair price for my life.

I was returning home from hanging out with friends, watching a movie, and talking about life. Ever since middle school, I have been overwhelmingly blessed with friendship. Why me? I have so many friends who I love and trust completely, and have never really lacked this since the start of high school. Considering how hard it is for me with new people, this is truly incredible, especially considering how easily I made great friends in college when I knew absolutely no one. The greatest thing is I know my feelings are reciprocated. Even my newest of friends drove across two states to visit me, and my oldest has brightened when I reaffirmed he is my best friend. They are all incredible people, and I understand not everyone can claim the same about their friends.

Even now, as I sit in my room, I ask why me? I barely have to look around to see a computer, a bed, a TV, an Xbox, shelves of books, and countless reminders of a happy childhood. I was born in America to hard working and loving parents. They've always provided for me, and I've never truly known want or hunger. What have I done to deserve this? I was born into such opportunity.

I reflect further on my parents and then on my family, and again I ask, why me? I love my parents, and they love me. I could not ask for a more perfect pair. Sure we have fought, but all those times pale in comparison to everything else. They raised me as best they could, and should have no regrets. I know too many people, good people and great friends, who cannot share this joy. My sister and brother, although as imperfect as I am, are also true blessings in my life. They love me, even if they (by which I mean my brother in particular) don't necessarily say it, they show it in ways only a sibling can. Even at my age, I still have plenty to learn from my brother, yet he displays patience and kindness in teaching me. My sister, though separated from me by years, still makes the effort to connect with me, and bond. Again, this is no result of anything I have done, simply the chance of birth.

Again, why me? Why has God blessed me so? Why not any one of those in Haiti, or those suffering at the hands of Joseph Kony and the LRA? It is unfair; I recognize this. I suppose if it was fair, and I did deserve this, it wouldn't be grace. As Relient K says, "the beauty of grace is it makes life not fair;" however, I am not content with this. This unfairness does not sit well with me. Perhaps this is why God has blessed me; this is the answer to "why me?" God has extended me this grace, so I may extend it to others. I simply pray God also blesses me with the strength to do all I can do. Until next time, have fun, live life, and don't die. Good night, folks.

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I would be remiss if I said nothing about LOST. I watched this show from the very beginning, all the way through last night's finale. Wow, simply wow. It was breathtaking, the greatest epic I have ever seen. From the opening to the close, it never wavered from the standard of excellence it set in the pilot episode. I'm glad I could be a part of this spectacular work of art produced in our times, this cultural phenomenon that was worth all of its hype.

I understand not all are happy with the finale. It wasn't what they expected, what they wanted, it betrayed them, it didn't answer their questions. To them I say, how could you watch this show for six years, and expect anything of it, other than it to defy your expectations? This show would be utterly disappointing if all of a sudden, it did anything else than what it always has, shock its audience and challenge us all to think about what we just saw. It was LOST, true to its very character. It didn't spoon-feed us anything. It never has, and if it started now, I would have been severely disappointed.

If you, however, are one of the people who disagree and expected it answer your questions, expected it to go as plan, expected it to be as you expected, then I'm sorry, and it may be harsh, but you are not a true lostie. LOST trademark was defying expectations. It made no promises but to wow you, and perhaps leave you wondering. It held up its promise, and did not deny its fans their love of speculating and theorizing. True LOST fans, true losties, can fill in the blanks themselves, and know just how fantastic that is. Until next time, stay lost my friends, and good night.